1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directio

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Well hello guys and dolls i know it has been a while since i posted but have been busy NOT !!!!!!!!
I did my last duty last night and finally got off my ship at 2am this morning !!!!!
Thats it for another 3 weeks back to Pompey to my boring computer course. Im very glad that my duties are over can be very boring being stuck on a gangway with a boring bloke no conversation ! and no-one on board to talk too !!!!
As far as i know Navy days is going well, and there has been lots of people coming to see big ugly grey ships, don't see it myself....
Going to spend my day relaxing and maybe going to the pub later something i haven't done in a while drinking that is !
I have read some blogs and i would like to know who Welshgirl met as well ?? will have to use some Navy tourture to find out lolD
To Molt good luck and don't answer the phone keep the messages just in case !!!
Thats it for now going to have a long soak in the bath and will update some more later
Goodbye and hope you all have a nice day !!!

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Well i've had a very boring weekend being on duty and no-one being on bored makes it a very long watch. The only good thing that happened was a couple of the lads caught some dog fish but had to throw them back can't really eat them.
Have begun to watch 24 have seen series 2 and 3 wow this is what happens when stuck on a gangway for 12hrs.
I now have 2 days off which i can catch up on sleep and clean my car i have suck a wild life not
!!!!!!!
Will post some jokes and pics in a while and hope that everyone is ok !

well i'm back on my big ship and it's boring stuck along side doing duties but at least i get little bit of time off !!!!
only problem is that Navy days is happening in plymouth so i'm hoping my ship isn't involved don't won't loads of people coming around the ship asking silly questions ....
i.e. can you shoot a person out of the harpoon??
yes this has been asked!!
Not much happening at the moment, my bloke has just brought me a motorbike helmet so we can go out on his bike!!
haven't had any good jokes to publish or photo's but will if anyone nice out there send me an e-mail

just a little bit bigger than you average yatch

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

Well i'm glad it's the weekend !
last week was rubbish, have been sent on a computer course only to use the computer once so far and been bored silly by power point presentations !! not lol
Some good things did happen though, i have printed out the first 40 pages of my book for me to edit and alter and add a few bits in! It's going really well i'm about a third of the way through and if it's good enough might publish just for fun!
My bloke may be rejoing the ship so will get to see him more often which is good.
Had a great chat with my mum and she filled me in on all the gossip and the fact she going have new neighbours from hell moving in so will have to have a wild party so she says lol.
Well thats it for now going out for a meal tonight and a lay in tomorrow always good, before work on Monday.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!!

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice
in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from
men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?

1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those
invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Well hi there
it is now day 2 of the very boring course about a computer but as yet have yet to touch one.
It has been death by power point for 2 days straight and being stuck in a room with no windows is not good.
Good points though i have increased my coffee drinking 5 fold so far lol
i have been sent some very good jokes, i will put another one in a bit !
Nothing much else has happened i have been very good really and trying not to spend money which i am very good at.
I have some looking up to do on the net about a painting not sure which one yet, but it's to do with my book (which has no name) Yet !

Middle aged man bought a brand new Porsche. He took off down the road,
Pushed it up to 130 mph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his
(thinning) hair.

"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.

But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a police car
Behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem"
Thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over
210 mph to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of
Thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police
Car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and
Walked up on the driver's side.

"Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can
Give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before,
I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off
With a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."